Day 20

Ok Ok, so I allowed myself to fulfill a craving and ate pizza. Judge me all you want. What matters is that I was completely ok with that decision. It was delicious!!! Its interesting when you have been eating right for so long and then you eat something crappy, your body is well aware and rejects it. So my stomach isn't too happy, but I had two little slices and called it a day. It was so funny because today it was just me and my grandma and afraid of anyone coming over, she was very firm on hurrying to get rid of the box of pizza. She didn't want to get in trouble. LOL it was quite entertaining. So today is peeing day. Its going fairly well since I have this new contraption(juice jug) that is making this process much easier. No need for any kind of target practice. LOL Of course its the day I get 3 different invitations to go out and do something. of course. but didn't go anywhere in case I had to pee..then what. LOl It just re enforces my dedication I guess. It'll be good to be done with this and for Tuesday to come to know the results. and to be clear, just because I ate pizza, does not mean I am off track. Does not mean I am any less dedicated. It was a conscious decision to kill a craving after 3 weeks of hard work. Many will judge, and I'm ok with that. Just keep it to yourself. LOL Just kidding. I'm open to any judgement and criticism you guys have. I'm not on a special diet of any kind. I'm simply eating better and taking it day by day. Today was a day I chose to indulge a little and I see nothing wrong with that. You dont weigh 225 pounds because of eating pizza once in a while. You weight that much by having that horrible habit of eating it frequently. Of depending on it. of allowing it to consume you instead of you consuming it. of it being part of your daily life. Maybe this has helped me defend the decision to eat it. I'm ok with it and tomorrow is a new day. Tomorrow is an early day to turn in my pee sample jug and go workout. Its also a day I would like to find a scale to see if I have lost anymore. It would be great if I have. I know numbers aren't the most important thing, but I do like them since at the moment the mirror still isn't my best friend. I will say I see a sliver...sliver sliver of a loss..but not enough for me to brag about. I will say I'm proud of my efforts and I do recognize them, but I'm still my hardest critic. My clothes don't fit the same, and soon I'll be swimming in my jeans. So I'm excited that my process continues and not once have I felt off track. That was always the hard thing. To start, stay on, fall off and try to get back on...Guess the key is to not fall off..LOL so much easier said. But its a relief to feel that just because I had some pizza today, I'm actually still on track. I never fell off. Its part of my process. I'll embrace it and move on. Just as I have with all the success so far. The worst part about weight loss, or falling off track, is the guilt you feel afterwards. Overweight people thrive off guilt. One of the worst emotions to deal with. At this point, guilt is no longer part of what I feel. If I allow myself to feel guilty, it would defeit my purpose of killing that craving. Of allowing myself a little reward. No guilt here my friends. I'm proud of how far I've come and I'm super proud of where I'm headed. I thank God for the strength I wake up with everyday and for my will to move forward and to love myself a little more everyday.
Thank you for reading.