Day 21 & 22

So these last two days have been great. The workouts have been awesome. Which is awesome. The worst thing is working out and feeling like crap afterwards. You workout to feel good, not nauseous. So I'm super grateful for leaving the gym and feeling just as I had hoped to feel. Other than that not too much has been going on. Been reading a lot. Thinking a lot. Missing home a lot. I know this is all part of my process, but man I miss home. I miss my bed. My independance. Even though it doesnt run all that well, I miss my car LOL. I miss my friends and everything that is known to me. I miss work. I miss being needed and being super productive. Kinda glad the first two weeks were all appointments and exams, because I think I would have gotten anxier earlier. I miss being alone with my own things. Its crazy, why cant we just be happy with what we have? Theres always complaining about wanting different things or being somewhere different. I guess this is definitely helping me to just shut up and be grateful for what I have. This is an amazing opportunity that only happens once in a lifetime. For that I'm extremely grateful.
Things have been difficult with my grandmother but nothing new really. Its a serious test of my patience. Sometimes I feel like I'm going to explode and run out of this house screaming. Then I breathe.

So today I weighed myself and only lost .7 of a kilos. So I think thats a pound or so. I was disappointed for about 17 seconds. I worked hard and thats it? Really, thats it? It can be frustrating. But I let it go and just enjoyed my workout and burned 1000 calories. So by the end I felt great. and it was great to feel great even though I had not reached a weight goal that I had. I picked up my test results and ran some errands with my aunt and uncle. Then headed to the Dr to show him the results to see if if I had a Cortisol problem or if I was ok to go ahead with the surgery. I was very pleased to hear that my blood pressure was normal. and that in fact I do not have a Cortisol problem. So as I had hoped, surgery is on for Thursday!!! My dad will arrive probably on Friday so he can be here when they release me on Saturday. Unfortuantely, but mom and I have come to the decision for her not to come. Even though, I know how hard this is going to be and the only thing I know I'm going to want is my mom. No one takes care of you the same as your mom. But, the circumstances simply dont allow it and thats how life works. I'm concerend about being in my house with my grandmother as I'm trying to recuperate. I know I'm going to want peace and quiet, and thats probably not going to happen here. I know I have options of other places to stay, but theres cons to that also. We'll see how it goes. I'm not going to hesitate to change enviornments if I dont feel this one works for me.
So I'm excited. I'm thrilled. I'm anxious..I'm ready. I have no doubts or worries. Whats a little disturbing is that now as everything has been cleared, I have relatives wanting me to wait..or to be compeltely sure...or had hoped for something different. The thing is, I am not doing this for anyone else except for me. I am the only one here that has to be sure that I'm ready for this. I'm the one that will be dealing with the pain and dealing with the consequences. I'm so sorry to those who think this is the wrong path for me or because their too worried or hoped I would go a different way. So sorry, but I'm psyched. I'm ready for an extra helping hand through my very difficult journey. I know the rewards will all be worth it in the end. I appreciate all the support from everyone. It is very much appreciated. Not sure if I'm going to be able to write while I'm in the clinic. I may just leave that for when I get back to tell you all about it.
Thank you for reading!!! I'm grateful for allowing me to share my story with you