Day 45-48

My feet, the pool and the house

These days have been great. They’ve been amazing. Its been quiet and so peaceful. I have been taking full advantage of all the time with my Dad. Its amazing how spending some extra days alone, things start to become more real than just a vacation visit. The farm is lonely and I absolutely love it. I have missed writing so much. Its hard to get internet here where I am and its amazing how dependant you become on the network. I also realize that I need to write. Its part of my therapy. So when things are good and when things are bad, I need you. Its part of creating the new habits to replace the over eating I used to indulge in. Especially when things were bad, eating was definitely a partner of mine. Now that’s not even an option. It was interesting to observe for a minute, me scurrying for something. An escape of some sort. Something else to fill that void. I’ve been reading. I’ve been walking with my Dad. I’ve been swimming. Its all still feeling very healthy and definitely coming from a place of true love. I still feel lots of love coming from me to me, and I can feel it more than ever from everyone else. I guess that’s how it works. Once you open that door for yourself, its as if everyone can tell and they want to take part of it and be part of whatever your creating for yourself. Today I was swimming my laps, and I had an uncle( that never says a whole lot) tell me that he is impressed with my physical stamina with the swimming. It felt awesome to heart it. Not just the words, but his words. It was so fulfilling because I kind of feel that way towards myself too. Now that I’m swimming again, its almost as if I never stopped and I’m really good at it. I love that I can swim again. Its very freeing. When I swim, my mind is clear. I am totally in the now. Paying attention to my breath, to the stroke. How my arms are flowing through the water. If I’m kicking hard enough, and how great the water feels on my face. How weightless I feel. I truly appreciate it. Im up to 18 laps. Which is like 2 or 3 olympic size pool laps but I’m very proud to be at it again. I’ve been helping my dad on the farm, which is for sure a different routine for me, but I love it. Love getting dirty. Feeding the chickens and helping with the cows. Love being part of his world. We went for a walk yesterday and he took me on a little agricultural tour. I realize he is an encyclopedia of plants, trees, fruits and vegetables. I was impressed with all of the information he had. How it grows, what type of soil is best for it, endless info on the land and its production. I was pleasantly surprised and admired him for it. Definitely a new feeling towards my Dad. Its been really cute with him. We watch movies together. We talk about family stuff that I never knew about. We talk about his fears, his worries and his moments of optimism. We express to each other how important it is for both of us to be together at this point of time. And truly how fulfilling it is for my heart to have this moment with him. It warms me fully to say that I have a Dad and were hangin out. I used to dream about saying that. I realize how alike we can be sometimes as well as how different. I’m proud that he hasn’t been drunk. Hes had a few drinks when my brother was here, but nothing out of control, which if you know anything about alcoholism, its pretty impressive. A sip can totally lead to a relapse of a sad past. So I’m proud of my Dad. I love him each day more and more. Hes a cool guy. Hes smart. And extremely loving. We have definitely come a long way.
So the food situation has been really good. Nothing has made me sick and I’ve been feeling great. Eating slow is key and chewing everything is important. Eating is a skill. Most people inhale. I appreciate every flavor, texture and consistency like never before. It has actually become somewhat of a meditation for me. I’m very quiet when I eat. I do not participate in the table convo. I stay in my mind and in the now. Make sure to breath in between bites. When I’m half way done, everyone’s done. Not to mention that my portions are like kids play compared to everybodys. Its been an interesting process, that’s for sure. Anyways, Here are some pics to show you what I’ve been up to some. For some visual entertaining.
Thank you for reading.

Aunt Marcela, me and my Dad

The chickens I help feed.

 

 

The whole pool with the house. This is the "backyard"

Just to give you an idea of the peacocks. I have so many better shots of them, but just for now. Their so awesome.