Well, things have definitely changed..working out and meal planning is officially a part of my life. Haven't gone under 5 days a week working out for the last month and besides the weekends, I'm cooking my meals regularly. I write down everything I eat, how many hours of sleep I'm getting and the times this is all happening at. I must say, that I've never witnessed this side of me. I think one of the downfalls from my surgery is that the results were so immediate, and gratifying, that I didn't have to do much to lose weight..Now, I work my ass off. I've never worked so hard in my life for anything. EVER. and I must say, I'm pretty impressed with what I can do. Jenny will set up an exercise for me, and I say, "no, I dont think I can do that." She says, "Yes, you can and you will." lol and guess what? I can and I do!! So its pretty cool to watch yourself improve, or get stronger, or be able to do a lil more each time..to actually observe progress in yourself, is pretty gratifying.
I can now run 2miles straight before needing a break..I can run 2miles in 23min..thats my fastest time so far..On my cardio days, I run 3.5miles in 40min. yesterday I did Alligator crawls for the first time, which I thought would take me a couple more months to get to. I watch Jen do them, and I'm like, "yea, not yet". Its crazy to observe that the main reason of being able to do or not do, is your own mind. I'm thankful these people believe I can do these things and push me to do them..It builds confidence..and heck, builds happiness too. By these people I mean Jenny and my trainer, lol :) I'm starting to see a difference in the mirror..Nothing crazy, but things definitely jiggle a little less. haha. The scale is not my best friend right now and I've decided to measure my success in other ways. My clothes. the mirror. and most importantly, feeling great every time I set foot into that gym. Just following through with the commitment to myself is such a HUGE thing for me. Lately, the topic of 2013 has definitely all been about commitments and my fear of them. So this is actually a huge step, and its reflected in so many other areas of my life.
I also, voluntarily have decided to do a "wrong man" detox. lol I am making serious changes with my relationships with men. I've gotten rid of all the guys that simply are unworthy of my time. and the main logic behind that one, truly starting to practice what it is to have self-value. self -worth. self -love. Creating healthy boundaries for myself, and learning how to use the word, "No". haha I'm a people pleaser, and most of my life have put people's needs and wants before mine, but not anymore. I thought If I said yes to everything, you would like me more..Such a false belief..Turns out I'm full of false beliefs. So, had to start re-learning some new beliefs..More accurate ones. I come first now. Everything else comes second. I also think that maybe the lack of men is keeping me focused and in the gym and totally focused on myself..so be it. lol Regardless, 2013 has been a very HEALTHY year for me so far..Mentally, emotionally and physically. Their all connected, and I've abused them all. So, I'm enjoying working hard to never abuse them again.
I'm very excited for this year, because I can feel that the power is within me to SCULPT my reality as I wish. Next month, I start my classes for teaching abroad..I also become a citizen of the USA this year..and I also will be obtaining a new job in a different place in the world. HUGE things coming my way...and I'm finally ready for them. I finally feel GREAT enough, to handle it all. FEAR no longer runs this ship. I wont be fooled. I know more tests and challenges are ahead. But after everything that I've overcome and achieved so far in my life, I feel ready to handle whatever life wants to throw at me. One step at a time. One breathe at a time. and thanks to Jen and my healer, Rebecca, I'm working more and more on acknowledging my successes and taking responsibility and pride in them..Remembering how brave I actually am. Brave to face my own demons, and replace them with LOVE.
Do you know how great you actually are? Do you ever acknowledge it? (Juan, this question is not for you, because I know you acknowledge it daily, as you should..haha)
Today, I am home within myself....There's no place like home.....I'm grateful
Thank you for reading. :)