I was a little off but I was pretty close. Lost 8 pounds in one week!!!!! The first week after surgery. I´m pretty proud. So total loss so far is 28 pounds. I think thats pretty impressive. I am proud and have started to see a little bit of difference. Obviously still in my clothes, but I started to see it a little in my face and in my stomach. All my bruises are healing nicely. Hopefully by the time I get to warm weather most of the scabs will be gone, as well as the green and purple marks.
So we all know change is really hard. Its hard to get to that point and decide, that from now on things will be different in my life. and to actually follow through with it. I think the main change that needs to happen, is the way you think. The way you perceive things. and the way you allow your thoughts to create an emotional reaction. I look at myself in the mirror, yea I´ve lost 28 pounds and I´m proud of that success, but its still not enough. Just by having that thought "that its still not enough", I know I haven´t fully made the mental changes that I want. What do you mean its not enough? Yea there is still some ways to go, but the point is to be proud unconditionally. I cant remember the last time I lost that much weight, or the last time I felt this good for this long period of time. Thats my goal. Acceptance is still an issue in my life. So what ,I´m not good enough yet because I haven´t lost my 100lbs? Deep down I know its not true. Today, as I sit here, I´m good enough. But the beast within me still has some strength. and its so good at creeping back in when I least need it. I´m sure a lot of it is habit. So used to criticizing myself on a constant basis. So I know I´m doing a great job, and I hear it all day long from people seeing me. I do feel more confident and feel happier and I feel much more loved by myself than I ever have, but theres still some work to do. Not just physically. I know skinny people that are unhappy with their lives. I refuse to live like that. I´m aware that my emotional and mental issues need to be addressed in order for this process to be considered successful.
Thank you for reading
Ana, change will gradually take over, it won't happen overnight. So don't worry about it, you know it's coming, so don't beat yourself up if you're still thinking "it's not good enough", let me tell you... IT WILL BE. Not today or tomorrow, but in the next couple of months, 1 or 2 years max.
ReplyDeleteLive can only get better, there's too much good stuff to look forward too, so be patience 'cause you're going to be a new Ana soon.