Day 41

So my brother got in and it was really great to see him. It was something comforting to see a familiar face from how. It feels refreshing somehow. It was also nice to hear him say that he sees a big difference in me. That opinion, next to mine, is prob one of the most important ones for me. Think thats how its always been my whole life. Waiting for my brother to approve things in my life.  Anyways, It was super nice to see him. We left that afternoon to Betania, which was an 8hr drive. I had to stop a couple times to walk and get the blood flowing in my legs. Drs orders. So it was a long ride, but I loved every minute. I think it was more the change of scene and the whole traveling aspect of it that I really loved.

Yesterday we were in the boat all day and it was actually kind of cold, so I didnt go in the water and I was getting sniffly. But I did decide I was going to try and actually eat new things. That I would take it little by little and listen to my body. So I did. and so far so good. I can even explain to you how amazing it feels to actually eat the same things other people are eating. Its an amazing feeling and I`m very proud of my body for that. On Saturday I weighed myself and I´m offically at a 30lbs loss. Pretty damn excited about it. I have to remind myself that, thats enough. I was a little furstrated because only 2lbs in 4 days. Well, I can do that on my own. With surgery I expect more. Maybe thats my problem. I shouldn`t expect anything. My only focus should be loving me and feeling incredibly happy as much as I can. and feeling comfortable and excited to be me. So much harder than it seems. But, repeat to myself that I`m doing great no matter what. I`m doing great no matter what. I`m doing great no matter what.

Today is our last day here in Betania and then we are heading to my dads in Garzon. A small town, where we have our family farm, which is simply amazing. Its peaceful and a perfect place to just be. Although it our last day, I wish I could be alone. I`m annoyed. I`m frustrated. and I wanna cry and scream. I would love to make up that I dont feel well and just spend the day reading in a hammock. But I also realize that my moods are momentary. That I cant always allow my mood to control a good moment or good opportunity. That sometimes, I shouldn´t give in to what I feel is what I "need". THe beast within me has a great way of convincing me that what I need is to isolate myself and truly, thats not who I want to be anymore. So I force myself and get on the boat and it turned out to be an amazing day. The sun was shinning. The wind was perfect. The water was warm and felt amazing on my skin. While wading in the water with my little cousin, I gave thanks to God for being able to take part in such amazing beauty, and for allowing me to grow in difficult circumstances. For giving me the strength to sit outside the box and see the opportunity to change a bad habit. I`m thankful for that. I would`ve missed out on great bonding time with family and a some great moments that I appreciated for me.
Thank you for reading

This is the view I got to wake up to for 2 mornings. Definitely something to be grateful for. 

Me.Happy!