Day 16&17

These last two days have been crazy workout days. I'm so soar!!!! Yesterday kicked my ass. I was drained. Not to mention I had other issues with the exams that I had to take. All that peeing in a jar for nothing. Now I have to do it all over again on Sunday. I cant tell you how excited I am for that. Not to mention the lady told me, I'm to not let one drop go. Ummmmm, really? Guys have it way way too easy. Anyways the workouts have been great and I'm still on track.

The only thing is the results will not be back until Tues, which was when the surgery was postponed to. So I called my surgeon and let him know, so were gonna aim for next Thursday, the 3rd. Obviously, all depends on these tests results. I really hope I dont have any kind of serious problem. I crave so badly to visit my Dad and that side of the family and that part of the country. There I can workout by walking the mountains and helping my dad wok on the farm. I can relax and read poolside and feel like I'm on vacation. Its such a great place visually. Its very inspiring and tranquil. I get to wake up to the sound pf peacocks crowing. Its amazing.

So these last two days have been pretty calm. Except for the fact that every muscle in my body aches. Which is great. Every time I complain about it, I remind myself it means I've done something good for Ana that day. Stretching is my friend. Been really quiet around here and the waiting is driving me a little crazy. It'll be good once its all done and I have the results so I know what the next step is. For now I continue eating right, working out and hopefully continuing to lose weight. Since I've already lost 14 pounds, I would love for next week to reach for the big 20lbs..so 10kilos. I still cant see it and I still get frustrated while I'm working out. Especially today, because I felt nauseus and ill after working out. My body still hasn't fully adapted.  I'm impatient sometimes and I hate that I have to stop frequently to catch my breath. I know I know, its a process. But as we go along, you'll learn that I'm very hard on myself. Something I know that I need to change. I'm my own punisher. My own worst enemy. Although, thats changin quickly. Ana is starting to grow closer to Ana. But she can be stubborn and pushy sometimes...Even moody believe it or not..What can I say? The Ramirez blood runs through my veins. If you were to meet all 150 of us, youd quickly learn that many/most of us have a pretty temper. Being stubborn is genetic LOL. I must do something fun this weekend. I feel like I have been couped up in the house for too long. There's only so much reading, writing I can do. Some of the classes I want to take do not start until the 1st of the month.  So I need more human contact. I have plenty of family here so I just have to start reaching out and not let myself get so isolated. Chatted with one of my great cousins tonight and hopefully will be hanging out tomorrow night. This cousin is one of my favorite people in the world. So only this person will know when their reading it. Sshhhhh...dont tell the rest ok??!! Cant deny when people have that click where they can talk comfortably for hours. Some people just have that ability more than others. So I'm excited for that. I'll have to call my sister as well. So we can spend more time together. I'm trying to learn how to be a big sister too. Shes a controversial part of our family because she was not born within a "marriage". Yes, this society still lives by that culture standard. Shes not very involved in the family events because of that. She is my dad's daughter and he never fought hard enough to get her in. Nonetheless, she is my sister. We share blood. She has my last name. So when I can, I fight for her. I'm grateful for the cousins that do accept her as part of the family. But I'm still learning how to be there more. Making the effort and getting to know her more. She's pretty funny. and her laugh is contagious.

Things with my grandmother are still tough. I still have to take deep breaths. Some days are worse than others. More and more I feel like I need some space. I had to explain to her the other day that sometimes, I like to be alone. I love being alone actually. Which I need to be careful with. Hence the isolation. It was hard for her to understand it. I know deep down, all she wants is some company. I do my best. I go outside of my comfort zone and make the effort. Lemme tell ya, breathing is key. Anyways, I'm rambling. For not much going on, this post was way too long. Sorry if this one bored ya.
Thanks for reading.