Sunday, December 16, 2012


So this last week was an awesome one. I weighed in last Mondayh and I lost 2.5lbs in my first week. I'm pretty happy with that. Not to mention that I dont think I did as much as I could. Worked out 4 days last week. One day was just a 20min walk/run. Nothing crazy. Trying to do something active everyday..Even if its not sweating bullets, but just the point of keeping the active lifestyle. Cooking has been a huge thing lately. So with little efforts my body is reacting. As well as my mind. Everyday is a challenge, but having a workout to look forward to where I can let it out, helps me. I know it brings balance to me entirely, so it effects every aspect of my life.

I wrote this last post last week and never finished. I've been sick, which hasn't allowed me to workout for the past 5 days..Which I know effects things. But what can you do? Thats life. You get sick or something happens and it throws off your routine completely. The point is to be able to jump right back into it. I have asthma that presents itself when I get sick and a bad cough still, but I'm giving myself today to recup..Tomorrow I start again with the normal routine. We'll see how much running I can do. Prob not much, but I for sure, will be going to the gym tomorrow night. Preferabley with Jenny :)

Along with being sick its been a very difficult week for me. Maybe the stress is what got me sick. Finances are difficult. Sometimes I feel like I run in place. I work my ass off and barely make it. I'm also struggling with figuring out where "home" is. January will mark the official year that I've had to live without my immediate family close to me. They moved back to Colombia last year and its been very difficult. Feel like a hamster on his wheel looking for that feeling of "home". Its a challenge to create that within you. But I guess, its been good practice. Its what I've asked for right? I asked for independance, well, here ya go. Within the next year I want to live in a different part of the world. Alone. So this technically is great practice because at least here, I still have my friends close by. Guess its like I'm on training wheels for whats to come. I know I get stronger and stronger, but this weekend, I gave in and allowed myself to feel weak. Scared. Lonely and lost. Missing my family. My comfort space. In hopes to continue searching for that, I'm moving out of the place I JUST moved into. I'm grateful to have an amazing friend that will let me live with her and her family. Maybe Erika's house is a symbol of what a family household is..The one I feel I might need right now. Somewhere I'm welcomed. Somewhere warm. Somewhere I can choose to have family dinners. To be around people that care about me. I can feel the need for it right now. At the same time I'm aware that all this feeling of "home", needs to be created within myself. I should be able to feel home wherever I am. Guess a new homework assignement to work on.

One thing I do find is balance somehow. Its been a challenging week financially and emotionally, but luckily I got last minute phone calls for photo shoots. I thank God for that blessing. Thanks to those photo shoots, I can eat and put gas in my car. You know its bad when you start to tell yourself, that you'll just start eating even less to make it by. lol Guess that can be part of the health regimen lol I laugh because sure, technically I can call mom and ask for a life saver..But I'm choosing not to do that. I'm determined to make it on my own. I mean, despite my doubts sometimes and feelings of all of this being hopeless, I know deep down I'm gonna make it. Just staying positive when the challenges keep coming, can get exhausting and make you want to give up. Well, I dont feel that giving up is a realistic option. So thats on my side.

Tomorrow is a new day. I'll weigh in for discipline. Not excited about it, but whatever that scale says, I'm still making progress. I'm still aware and determined to conquer this. I will reach my goals. Short and long..You all serve as my witness....and support. I'm grateful for that.

Thank you for reading. xoxo

1 comment:

  1. Keep it up, and you can always count on me if you ever need something. Also, are we going to see you during these holidays? It does not need to be a complicated planned visit, just stop by if you are in the area, the kids would love to see you.