So this last week was an awesome one. I weighed in last Mondayh and I lost 2.5lbs in my first week. I'm pretty happy with that. Not to mention that I dont think I did as much as I could. Worked out 4 days last week. One day was just a 20min walk/run. Nothing crazy. Trying to do something active everyday..Even if its not sweating bullets, but just the point of keeping the active lifestyle. Cooking has been a huge thing lately. So with little efforts my body is reacting. As well as my mind. Everyday is a challenge, but having a workout to look forward to where I can let it out, helps me. I know it brings balance to me entirely, so it effects every aspect of my life.
I wrote this last post last week and never finished. I've been sick, which hasn't allowed me to workout for the past 5 days..Which I know effects things. But what can you do? Thats life. You get sick or something happens and it throws off your routine completely. The point is to be able to jump right back into it. I have asthma that presents itself when I get sick and a bad cough still, but I'm giving myself today to recup..Tomorrow I start again with the normal routine. We'll see how much running I can do. Prob not much, but I for sure, will be going to the gym tomorrow night. Preferabley with Jenny :)
Along with being sick its been a very difficult week for me. Maybe the stress is what got me sick. Finances are difficult. Sometimes I feel like I run in place. I work my ass off and barely make it. I'm also struggling with figuring out where "home" is. January will mark the official year that I've had to live without my immediate family close to me. They moved back to Colombia last year and its been very difficult. Feel like a hamster on his wheel looking for that feeling of "home". Its a challenge to create that within you. But I guess, its been good practice. Its what I've asked for right? I asked for independance, well, here ya go. Within the next year I want to live in a different part of the world. Alone. So this technically is great practice because at least here, I still have my friends close by. Guess its like I'm on training wheels for whats to come. I know I get stronger and stronger, but this weekend, I gave in and allowed myself to feel weak. Scared. Lonely and lost. Missing my family. My comfort space. In hopes to continue searching for that, I'm moving out of the place I JUST moved into. I'm grateful to have an amazing friend that will let me live with her and her family. Maybe Erika's house is a symbol of what a family household is..The one I feel I might need right now. Somewhere I'm welcomed. Somewhere warm. Somewhere I can choose to have family dinners. To be around people that care about me. I can feel the need for it right now. At the same time I'm aware that all this feeling of "home", needs to be created within myself. I should be able to feel home wherever I am. Guess a new homework assignement to work on.
One thing I do find is balance somehow. Its been a challenging week financially and emotionally, but luckily I got last minute phone calls for photo shoots. I thank God for that blessing. Thanks to those photo shoots, I can eat and put gas in my car. You know its bad when you start to tell yourself, that you'll just start eating even less to make it by. lol Guess that can be part of the health regimen lol I laugh because sure, technically I can call mom and ask for a life saver..But I'm choosing not to do that. I'm determined to make it on my own. I mean, despite my doubts sometimes and feelings of all of this being hopeless, I know deep down I'm gonna make it. Just staying positive when the challenges keep coming, can get exhausting and make you want to give up. Well, I dont feel that giving up is a realistic option. So thats on my side.
Tomorrow is a new day. I'll weigh in for discipline. Not excited about it, but whatever that scale says, I'm still making progress. I'm still aware and determined to conquer this. I will reach my goals. Short and long..You all serve as my witness....and support. I'm grateful for that.
Thank you for reading. xoxo
Sunday, December 16, 2012
Wednesday, December 5, 2012
From HEALTHY to SCULPTED: DAY 2
So last night's workout with Jen was awesome. Probably the most I've ever sweat. I'm so excited because I just started running..Maybe in the last 6 months..and by running I mean like 3 minutes straight on the treadmill. ha!! On day 1 working out with Jen, I broke my record and went 10minutes straight on the treadmill without stopping..and last night I did 13minutes straight, 2 minute walk, then 7 minutes straight.!!! I was extremely excited about that..Jen was proud too.hehe! I feel like cardio is a way of meditation..At least thats how I use it..When I swim or now when I'm running, I have these visions..I dont know why, but I'm always on a beach..in a bikini ;) Super happy and glowing. Total dreamy, cheesy movie scene. lol Used to be a red bikini, but now its peacock blues and greens. lol I'm usually running and noticing every detail about the perfect body I would like to create..No extra skin(so annoying), my easy breathing and how easy running in the sand feels.I can feel the sun beating down on me, the light breeze that cools me down. the warm water.
.Music is a huge thing when I workout..Guess its the tool I use to channel my meditating..so much that one time I forgot my music and walked right out of the gym. lol My latest visual though, when I'm struggling with my breathing and feel like stopping, is to look down at my feet..I see them running, and I feel like a runner. Like an athlete..One thats does marathons. I meet people that run marathons and do activities that push themselves to the limit, and I think, "wow!" I admire the discipline and determination that being an athlete requires. The amount of passion for something that requires 100% of your efforts in order to accomplish your goals. I admire it..I envy it. I didn't grow up with discipline..or much structure..My sport involvement was minimal. I was on the swim team for one year..Thats it. But I observe my life..look back..and realize that I dont think I have truly ever put 100% of my effort into something. Not entirely sure why that is. Maybe its something your taught. I must've missed that class. lol So my visual is to feel what it is to be disciplined and determined. To not give up when you want to. To use the power of your mind to overcome the physical struggle. Before I knew it, I'm in the stride and breathing as if I've beeing running forever...then its time to walk, haha! I'm ready to give 100% into this..Putting maximum effort to receive maximum benefits. I having nothing to lose and so much to gain. What I also just realized is that even if its for 13minutes, I am the athlete I envision myself to be. :) I'll take it!
As an adult, I think many reach a moment of frustration, for your life not being anything how you wanted it to be or how you envisioned it. My moment where it caused an actual reaction, was 4 years ago when I left my abusive boyfriend. I recall the exact moment, while he was in a moment of rage, that I vowed I would start making positive changes for myself. and from that day forward, thats what I did. Unfortunately it took for me to fear losing my life in order to create that reaction, but whatever. I did it. I got out. I faced my issues. I got through it. Its so easy to focus on all the things I have left to accomplish, when there is soooo much value in the things that I already done. People say dont look at the past..Well, I do. I need to..It helps me re-realize how far I've come. I need that positive reinforcement. That "if you could get through that, you can do anything" moment. I think for the things I've been through in my life, I've succeeded at a lot. Maybe not monetary or materialistic. But emotionally, I choose to be honest and aware. Thats an aquired skill that I've worked years at. Not an overnight thing. and not an easy thing to live with. Sometimes ignorance truly is bliss. lol Itd be easier to live more superficially or disregard the curiosity for spirituality. to just be "I am who I am and thats that". To an extent yes, but what I am is a spiritual being living a human experience and am always transforming into a better version of myself. Thats the objective at least. lol
Today I'm sore and my body is very happy. Love complaining that I'm sore due to my great workout. lol My lunch will consist of tuna and crackers and raw veggies. Whoa, Ana! lol raw veggies? You know, your mind is truly amazing. I dont really LOVE raw veggies like that. But I decided to want a healthier lifestyle and thankfully started craving raw broccoli and cauliflower. so weird..Also same with my new face treatment..Trying to improve my skin and have this new product. They told me in order for it to get better, it might have to get worse first. Never would've thought I'd get excited to see pimples forming..lol Instead of saying, "oh no, another pimple. " I'm more like" yay!, get this crap out of my face and lets clean it up!!" lmao
Your perspective on everything...is everything.
Have a lovely day people.
Thank you for reading xoxo
.Music is a huge thing when I workout..Guess its the tool I use to channel my meditating..so much that one time I forgot my music and walked right out of the gym. lol My latest visual though, when I'm struggling with my breathing and feel like stopping, is to look down at my feet..I see them running, and I feel like a runner. Like an athlete..One thats does marathons. I meet people that run marathons and do activities that push themselves to the limit, and I think, "wow!" I admire the discipline and determination that being an athlete requires. The amount of passion for something that requires 100% of your efforts in order to accomplish your goals. I admire it..I envy it. I didn't grow up with discipline..or much structure..My sport involvement was minimal. I was on the swim team for one year..Thats it. But I observe my life..look back..and realize that I dont think I have truly ever put 100% of my effort into something. Not entirely sure why that is. Maybe its something your taught. I must've missed that class. lol So my visual is to feel what it is to be disciplined and determined. To not give up when you want to. To use the power of your mind to overcome the physical struggle. Before I knew it, I'm in the stride and breathing as if I've beeing running forever...then its time to walk, haha! I'm ready to give 100% into this..Putting maximum effort to receive maximum benefits. I having nothing to lose and so much to gain. What I also just realized is that even if its for 13minutes, I am the athlete I envision myself to be. :) I'll take it!
As an adult, I think many reach a moment of frustration, for your life not being anything how you wanted it to be or how you envisioned it. My moment where it caused an actual reaction, was 4 years ago when I left my abusive boyfriend. I recall the exact moment, while he was in a moment of rage, that I vowed I would start making positive changes for myself. and from that day forward, thats what I did. Unfortunately it took for me to fear losing my life in order to create that reaction, but whatever. I did it. I got out. I faced my issues. I got through it. Its so easy to focus on all the things I have left to accomplish, when there is soooo much value in the things that I already done. People say dont look at the past..Well, I do. I need to..It helps me re-realize how far I've come. I need that positive reinforcement. That "if you could get through that, you can do anything" moment. I think for the things I've been through in my life, I've succeeded at a lot. Maybe not monetary or materialistic. But emotionally, I choose to be honest and aware. Thats an aquired skill that I've worked years at. Not an overnight thing. and not an easy thing to live with. Sometimes ignorance truly is bliss. lol Itd be easier to live more superficially or disregard the curiosity for spirituality. to just be "I am who I am and thats that". To an extent yes, but what I am is a spiritual being living a human experience and am always transforming into a better version of myself. Thats the objective at least. lol
Today I'm sore and my body is very happy. Love complaining that I'm sore due to my great workout. lol My lunch will consist of tuna and crackers and raw veggies. Whoa, Ana! lol raw veggies? You know, your mind is truly amazing. I dont really LOVE raw veggies like that. But I decided to want a healthier lifestyle and thankfully started craving raw broccoli and cauliflower. so weird..Also same with my new face treatment..Trying to improve my skin and have this new product. They told me in order for it to get better, it might have to get worse first. Never would've thought I'd get excited to see pimples forming..lol Instead of saying, "oh no, another pimple. " I'm more like" yay!, get this crap out of my face and lets clean it up!!" lmao
Your perspective on everything...is everything.
Have a lovely day people.
Thank you for reading xoxo
Tuesday, December 4, 2012
From HEALTHY to SCULPTED:Day 1..ish
Ok, So the journey continues..What I'm learning now is that actually, the journey will never end..Everything you go through in the process of creating healthier habits and maintaining a "thinner" lifestyle, takes daily work and awareness. It has been such a crazy 2012. So many ups and downs, downs and ups. Probably one of the most challenging years of my life but at the same time it has held many rewards as well. Point being that I've lost focus..I got caught up in the current of life and forgot about my priorities. So, its time to get back on that track. My brother has helped push that motivation to actually finish what I start. To accomplish the original goal that was set 1yr and a half ago. He came up with the title of this new segment of my blog and I plan on writing regularly again..Its like going back to basics..I have to ask myself, what worked for me when I lost all that weight? What tools did I use that were effective? Writing was definitely one of them. I find peace in writing..Its my outlet..and somehow commits me to the goal. Knowing that all of you will read. Somehow, keeps me focused. So I just started getting back into working out and eating better. My friend Jenny has kindly now taken the part of my new workout buddy. I knew I needed one for this last portion of the weight loss journey. Again, help commit to the focus. Shes amazing. Its so great because she has taken on such an important role for me and I feel its helping. Random checks to ask what I've eaten, little reminders. Shes great. I will be including pics of us working out and such. Tonight we're doing the weekly pic and measurements and such. I'll be checking in with the stats weekly. I also have purchased some training sessions with a trainer. So will be doing that as well once a week for a month. Training here in the US is very expensive, especially for what the trainers get paid. Definitely spoiled in Colombia with that one. But you gotta do, what you gotta do. Make other sacrifices..Prioritize.
So this is it. Another beginning. A new challenge. I've made it more than half way up this mountain..and its time for me to simply finish and conquer this. Not only physically, but mentally and emotionally. One day it dawned opon me, "You can take the "fat girl" out of the body, but to take her out of your mind, is a totally seperate, more challenging task." Despite it all, I still struggle with self-esteem issues. Feelings of not "being good enough". I have days where its worse than others, but I look back and see it as a silly thing..but in the moment, its a true challenge to switch those put down convos I have, into encouraging and inspirational ones. So the other goal is to feel beautiful everyday. To take the "fat girl" out of my head and heart. Change the thought process. To continue accepting myself as is. To love myself..To self-encourage.To continue this great level of happiness that I've been able to achieve..I'm grateful..I'm blessed.
Thank you Jen! your support in this is infinitely appreciated and valued. Love u girl!
Thank you for reading...pics to follow-I know, I know, I always say that..lol but for real..their coming
So this is it. Another beginning. A new challenge. I've made it more than half way up this mountain..and its time for me to simply finish and conquer this. Not only physically, but mentally and emotionally. One day it dawned opon me, "You can take the "fat girl" out of the body, but to take her out of your mind, is a totally seperate, more challenging task." Despite it all, I still struggle with self-esteem issues. Feelings of not "being good enough". I have days where its worse than others, but I look back and see it as a silly thing..but in the moment, its a true challenge to switch those put down convos I have, into encouraging and inspirational ones. So the other goal is to feel beautiful everyday. To take the "fat girl" out of my head and heart. Change the thought process. To continue accepting myself as is. To love myself..To self-encourage.To continue this great level of happiness that I've been able to achieve..I'm grateful..I'm blessed.
Thank you Jen! your support in this is infinitely appreciated and valued. Love u girl!
Thank you for reading...pics to follow-I know, I know, I always say that..lol but for real..their coming
Saturday, March 17, 2012
Day 385- Finally
Wow, So much time has passed since I last wrote. I miss it so much. Its crazy how life just passes and so quickly time goes. I hit my year mark since I officially started this journey of transformation, 40 days ago. Since the day I started sharing with you and expressing all my inner most thoughts and feelings. Theres so much to write about. So much has happened and changed. Its hard to know how to even start. Where to begin?
First off, I'm extremely happy. I'm the happiest I have ever been in my life. I haven't reached all my goals yet, but I am so happy with how far I have come. Im so happy to wake up everyday and look in the mirror and know that I accept myself so much more today, than I did 385 days ago. Every morning I wake up grateful. Grateful for feeling comofortable in my own skin. Grateful for being healthy and for all the opportunities life has given me to grow. Man, the challenges are endless. But its all been so worth it. I've lost a total of 85lbs. I've plateaud for a while now. I technically still have 15lbs more to go. I still aim to get there. I have a new position at work, which has impacted my routine significantly. Hard to find the time to workout and keep a routine going. I'm in a different location everyday, so I have to start creating a new routine daily. Hasn't been easy. Good news, is that I love my new position. I feel so free. Less responsibility and more money. Can't beat that. Well, you can. lol I could be working full time in photography, but thats not the case right now. Photography has been minimal. I was reading over some of my blogs and saw me commenting on my dedication to the business. Not the case anymore. (I'll talk about photography in another post)I'm thinking about getting my teching certificate and traveling abroad. I'm researching and planning the steps that need to be taken towards that. Its come to a point where I want to really analyze and think about the things that I truly want out of this one life that I have been given. I've come so far with my physical success, that I feel empowered to start conquering other aspects of my life that still prevent me from being thoroughly fulfilled. I want to see the world and take my camera with me. I want to work with children and have a little impact on their life. I know I've said these words before, but I want to be a little flicker of a light in someone's very dark room. Thats what I'm aiming towards.
In these last 6 months I had the pleasure of living on my own for a while. My family moved back to Colombia, so it was just me. What an experience! I thank God for that opportunity. Its over now, because my mother is back with my step dad for a little while. Many things are undefined and up in the air. Its crazy. The unknown is scary. I feel like this year will definitely be continuing my physical health and taking serious steps towards a more stable career, lifestyle. Really, just continuing to grow up. but the challenges are interesting. Within the next 6 months, I dont know where I'm going to be living. I dont know if I'll be in the same state. I dont know if I'll have the same job. My student loans seem hopeless. I fear the end result of them. Theres so much. The only thing I can do is believe that I deserve the best and work hard towards achieving it. To let go of the things I'm so fearful of, because as some of you already know, your thoughts have serious power. Be careful for what you ask for. lol
Living alone was huge for me. It was a very big process in learning how to truly love myself. For the first time in my life, I was completely alone. I had company when I wanted it, but even for about 2 weeks, I literally dedicated myself to barely socializing and detoxing from that need to have someone around. What an amazing lesson to committ to being happy, 100% alone. I lost it one day. My mom was gone. One of my biggest fears in life, is that my mother would leave me. I used to have nightmares about it as a child. I'm an adult now, but still it allowed me to experience that process without really "losing" my mom. Allowed me to finally face a serious fear I've carried around with me my whole life. But I did it. and it was awesome. After my little experiment, I love myself so much more. I started rescheduling dates and social events just so I can do something special for myself. I would set dates with myself and look forward to them. I know it sounds cheesy, but its been so cool. To genuinely enjoy my own company. To want a moment to be with my thoughts. To reconnect and refocus with myself. To listen to my convo. Cuz in the end, thats where the goodness lies. I hadn't seen my mom in about 4 or 5 months. So great to hear her say that she can actually, physically tell how happy I am. I haven't lost one pound since I last saw her, but to hear that I radiate happiness, is truly a gift. One that makes me cry out of gratitude.
Dating? Well, that may be a whole other post, but I'll give a little taste of what it is like for me. I have never dated in my life. Even when I had a boyfriend, it just happened. There wasn't a phase where we went on dates and did stuff to get to know each other. I'm amazed as to what I've been exposed to in this last year. People are so different. Think and act so differently. Analyze information differently. Very interesting to start being aware as to the type of person I'm perceived as. What kind of signals I give off. I had no idea, lol. I've met some great guys and have had amazing convos. But the fit hasn't been 100% just yet. Also, having this new body, comes with a whole new set of issues. I'm not used to being approached for how I look. Things now are a lot more superficial. Learning how to say no and respect your own personal boundaries is a whole new challenge. I have this new toy, and still figuring out how to use it..lol At first the attention is nice, but after a while, it kind of just makes me sad. I'm working on switching that though. I think sex is natural and amazing. Only human nature. I'm glad to be part of be included in the population that has some sex appeal. I've wished for it for so long. Its just all very new and has presented new challenges. I'm trying to just take things as they are and however their presented to me. I'm told it just comes with the territory, lol I remember being overweight and knowing that this was a big fear of mine. Of the attention. Of the superficiality of it. (is that a word? lol) of being able to say no to something that for so long I desired, but was always afraid of it. But to be honesty, I wouldn't trade this for anything. Its riskier this way, for sure. I'm ok with that. I cant imagine living the way I used to feel. Last night my mom and I were chatting about it, cuz I recently had a man ask me out and things seemed fine until he confessed that he was married. WHAT?! So sad. Are there any loyal men out there? Is sex everything? I hope so and hopefully not, lol Im trying not to fear it, but I just had no idea to what level being can really go. I feel a lot more exposed. I know a lot clearer what it is I'm looking for out of a partner. Its been a very interesting process to say the least. No regrets until now, its all brought me wisdom and so many other things.
Ok, I'm ending here so I can do another post with some updated pics.
If you are reading, thank you. Sorry for being absent for so long. I'm going to continue writing more consisitently. I miss it so much. It was always a huge tool through my process. My process isn't over. Not sure if it ever will be, but in the meantime, I'll share it openly and with much love. :)
First off, I'm extremely happy. I'm the happiest I have ever been in my life. I haven't reached all my goals yet, but I am so happy with how far I have come. Im so happy to wake up everyday and look in the mirror and know that I accept myself so much more today, than I did 385 days ago. Every morning I wake up grateful. Grateful for feeling comofortable in my own skin. Grateful for being healthy and for all the opportunities life has given me to grow. Man, the challenges are endless. But its all been so worth it. I've lost a total of 85lbs. I've plateaud for a while now. I technically still have 15lbs more to go. I still aim to get there. I have a new position at work, which has impacted my routine significantly. Hard to find the time to workout and keep a routine going. I'm in a different location everyday, so I have to start creating a new routine daily. Hasn't been easy. Good news, is that I love my new position. I feel so free. Less responsibility and more money. Can't beat that. Well, you can. lol I could be working full time in photography, but thats not the case right now. Photography has been minimal. I was reading over some of my blogs and saw me commenting on my dedication to the business. Not the case anymore. (I'll talk about photography in another post)I'm thinking about getting my teching certificate and traveling abroad. I'm researching and planning the steps that need to be taken towards that. Its come to a point where I want to really analyze and think about the things that I truly want out of this one life that I have been given. I've come so far with my physical success, that I feel empowered to start conquering other aspects of my life that still prevent me from being thoroughly fulfilled. I want to see the world and take my camera with me. I want to work with children and have a little impact on their life. I know I've said these words before, but I want to be a little flicker of a light in someone's very dark room. Thats what I'm aiming towards.
In these last 6 months I had the pleasure of living on my own for a while. My family moved back to Colombia, so it was just me. What an experience! I thank God for that opportunity. Its over now, because my mother is back with my step dad for a little while. Many things are undefined and up in the air. Its crazy. The unknown is scary. I feel like this year will definitely be continuing my physical health and taking serious steps towards a more stable career, lifestyle. Really, just continuing to grow up. but the challenges are interesting. Within the next 6 months, I dont know where I'm going to be living. I dont know if I'll be in the same state. I dont know if I'll have the same job. My student loans seem hopeless. I fear the end result of them. Theres so much. The only thing I can do is believe that I deserve the best and work hard towards achieving it. To let go of the things I'm so fearful of, because as some of you already know, your thoughts have serious power. Be careful for what you ask for. lol
Living alone was huge for me. It was a very big process in learning how to truly love myself. For the first time in my life, I was completely alone. I had company when I wanted it, but even for about 2 weeks, I literally dedicated myself to barely socializing and detoxing from that need to have someone around. What an amazing lesson to committ to being happy, 100% alone. I lost it one day. My mom was gone. One of my biggest fears in life, is that my mother would leave me. I used to have nightmares about it as a child. I'm an adult now, but still it allowed me to experience that process without really "losing" my mom. Allowed me to finally face a serious fear I've carried around with me my whole life. But I did it. and it was awesome. After my little experiment, I love myself so much more. I started rescheduling dates and social events just so I can do something special for myself. I would set dates with myself and look forward to them. I know it sounds cheesy, but its been so cool. To genuinely enjoy my own company. To want a moment to be with my thoughts. To reconnect and refocus with myself. To listen to my convo. Cuz in the end, thats where the goodness lies. I hadn't seen my mom in about 4 or 5 months. So great to hear her say that she can actually, physically tell how happy I am. I haven't lost one pound since I last saw her, but to hear that I radiate happiness, is truly a gift. One that makes me cry out of gratitude.
Dating? Well, that may be a whole other post, but I'll give a little taste of what it is like for me. I have never dated in my life. Even when I had a boyfriend, it just happened. There wasn't a phase where we went on dates and did stuff to get to know each other. I'm amazed as to what I've been exposed to in this last year. People are so different. Think and act so differently. Analyze information differently. Very interesting to start being aware as to the type of person I'm perceived as. What kind of signals I give off. I had no idea, lol. I've met some great guys and have had amazing convos. But the fit hasn't been 100% just yet. Also, having this new body, comes with a whole new set of issues. I'm not used to being approached for how I look. Things now are a lot more superficial. Learning how to say no and respect your own personal boundaries is a whole new challenge. I have this new toy, and still figuring out how to use it..lol At first the attention is nice, but after a while, it kind of just makes me sad. I'm working on switching that though. I think sex is natural and amazing. Only human nature. I'm glad to be part of be included in the population that has some sex appeal. I've wished for it for so long. Its just all very new and has presented new challenges. I'm trying to just take things as they are and however their presented to me. I'm told it just comes with the territory, lol I remember being overweight and knowing that this was a big fear of mine. Of the attention. Of the superficiality of it. (is that a word? lol) of being able to say no to something that for so long I desired, but was always afraid of it. But to be honesty, I wouldn't trade this for anything. Its riskier this way, for sure. I'm ok with that. I cant imagine living the way I used to feel. Last night my mom and I were chatting about it, cuz I recently had a man ask me out and things seemed fine until he confessed that he was married. WHAT?! So sad. Are there any loyal men out there? Is sex everything? I hope so and hopefully not, lol Im trying not to fear it, but I just had no idea to what level being can really go. I feel a lot more exposed. I know a lot clearer what it is I'm looking for out of a partner. Its been a very interesting process to say the least. No regrets until now, its all brought me wisdom and so many other things.
Ok, I'm ending here so I can do another post with some updated pics.
If you are reading, thank you. Sorry for being absent for so long. I'm going to continue writing more consisitently. I miss it so much. It was always a huge tool through my process. My process isn't over. Not sure if it ever will be, but in the meantime, I'll share it openly and with much love. :)
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