So month 4 has been challenging. I haven't worked out as hard as usual. I went on vacation to Seattle, which vacations tend to disrupt routines usually. Just didnt see it possible, nor was the motivation there. The great news is that I'm back on the horse quicker than usual. Even 6 months ago, if I fell off, it would take a great while before I got back on . But I spent my Saturday night at the gym instead of going out partying and it felt great. It also felt great to wake up the next day sore. Was supposed to go biking on the lake but that didnt happen. I will be going today since it is almost 70 degrees out today. Then I have my training with Fredo at 8pm. So today will be a great, active day. I still try and push myself and I'm not happy until I see sweat dripping. lol There are still many positives. Its crazy to see how much not working out effects my emotional state of well being. Its now critical to it. Its all connected. If I dont workout, its much harder to maintain a peaceful state of mind. So its nice to have a new tool to use when anxiety comes upon me. Shows me that I've been able to create this habit for myself. If I dont workout, my body tells me about it quickly..lol and I listen, which has been very helpful.
I dont have too much to share besides the fact that I'm still on my way. Still getting stronger and feeling better about myself, daily. Everyday is a new start though. I know I gain emotional and mental strength, but there is still so much to work on. Maybe there always will be. I just pray for the strength to continue acquiring these healthy habits and thoughts that keep me smiling. I am my biggest challenge to overcome. Years of negativity and false beliefs have made life difficult. So not only am I working on my physical body, but also working very hard on the soul aspect of my essence. Keeping it sharp, replacing false beliefs with new, positive ones. Believing to be good enough for this world, has taken years of work. and I still have my difficult moments. At least their no longer full days of difficulty, were down to just moments of them..Which is definitely progress :)
I'm grateful today for my family and for my friends...and for my level of awareness to truly work on creating an individual that reflects the person I want to be. I pray to continue to have this level of faith, especially when I'm down. and I pray that I'm reminded daily that I'm a great individual...I forget so easily....we all do. We dont really know the true value of our worth and of who we are. Well, maybe Juan knows, lol, but I'm sure he even has his moments.
I'm grateful for him giving me the opportunity to reunite with my family next month. A much needed, yearn, desired for moment. Cant wait!!!
Thank you for reading
-Iam
Monday, April 22, 2013
Saturday, March 23, 2013
From HEALTHY to SCULPTED: Month 3ish
Hello world!
So its month 3, and I'm just strolling along..Today was the first time we did measurements since I've started the dedicated workouts. I've been consistently going to the gym for the past 3months and its feels pretty awesome. I now walk into the gym, and I know its a place where I belong. Even the smoothie girl knows exactly how I like my protein shakes. lol Its a very cool thing to overcome that sense of discomfort that the gym can sometimes bring. I used to feel intimidated to walk into the weight area, where its generally all males working out. Now, I'm one of the few girls that just walks right in and claims a spot to work in. Yea, they stare..But I've learned to not care..Instead I've learned to be proud that I can feel comfortable in that situation and not really care what people are thinking. Alfredo and Jen really helped me jump that hurdle by forcing me to do crazy workouts that I wasn't necessarily the best at. Maybe there's a fear of not being able to do the workouts and that being viewed as "weak". and through that, I actually found a lot of "strength". Realize it takes some guts to just try. Then to perfect. A guy at the gym once compared how easy a workout looked when Jen did it, then how hard it looked when I did it...I'd be sweating bullets and Jen, barely breaking a sweat. At first I wanted to hurt him, lol. Then I just took at it as a starting mark to gage progress. That specific workout was doing alligator crawls. I'll have to post a pic or a video of what that looks like, but its hard as hell!! I couldn't even do it. I'd do a modified version, which I called froggies, move arms out, and bring legs to chest dragging a 10lb weight. I kept working on the modified version, then one day, I was told I could do them..lol I didn't believe I was strong enough. But I did them!! so I keep making marks of progress, which have kept me proud through all of this. So now that I can almost do the whole hallway without stopping, I look back and remember what this guy once said, and I see how far I've come. I still drip sweat, but I keep going. I can deadlift 30lbs. I can do up to 25,"male"pushups in 30seconds. lol I know can run up to 6.0mph. and I've learned how to get sore all by myself. lol My support team has been amazing. Even a new friend is on board with checking in to see that I've made it to the gym. I get asked for proof too. I have to send pics of my running speed and all. lol Its nice
I didn't get weighed or measured until now because I really wanted to focus more on just the fact that I feel great and that I see progress in my strength and endurance. But today was a good reminder that I'm headed in the right direction. Since I started working out like I have, I have lost 13lbs and a total of 13inches all over my body...Which I'm very proud of. Its nice to see hard work pay off. and To see myself really create my reality as I see fit. I'm very excited and will continue on. Lets see what month 4 brings.
This Jen and I doing our routine 2 mile run before the boot camp begins..Love my Jen!! :) Best workout buddy ever..I'm so grateful...and yes, per Juan's request, there will be many more pics to follow. But thought I'd at least introduce you to Jen!!
So its month 3, and I'm just strolling along..Today was the first time we did measurements since I've started the dedicated workouts. I've been consistently going to the gym for the past 3months and its feels pretty awesome. I now walk into the gym, and I know its a place where I belong. Even the smoothie girl knows exactly how I like my protein shakes. lol Its a very cool thing to overcome that sense of discomfort that the gym can sometimes bring. I used to feel intimidated to walk into the weight area, where its generally all males working out. Now, I'm one of the few girls that just walks right in and claims a spot to work in. Yea, they stare..But I've learned to not care..Instead I've learned to be proud that I can feel comfortable in that situation and not really care what people are thinking. Alfredo and Jen really helped me jump that hurdle by forcing me to do crazy workouts that I wasn't necessarily the best at. Maybe there's a fear of not being able to do the workouts and that being viewed as "weak". and through that, I actually found a lot of "strength". Realize it takes some guts to just try. Then to perfect. A guy at the gym once compared how easy a workout looked when Jen did it, then how hard it looked when I did it...I'd be sweating bullets and Jen, barely breaking a sweat. At first I wanted to hurt him, lol. Then I just took at it as a starting mark to gage progress. That specific workout was doing alligator crawls. I'll have to post a pic or a video of what that looks like, but its hard as hell!! I couldn't even do it. I'd do a modified version, which I called froggies, move arms out, and bring legs to chest dragging a 10lb weight. I kept working on the modified version, then one day, I was told I could do them..lol I didn't believe I was strong enough. But I did them!! so I keep making marks of progress, which have kept me proud through all of this. So now that I can almost do the whole hallway without stopping, I look back and remember what this guy once said, and I see how far I've come. I still drip sweat, but I keep going. I can deadlift 30lbs. I can do up to 25,"male"pushups in 30seconds. lol I know can run up to 6.0mph. and I've learned how to get sore all by myself. lol My support team has been amazing. Even a new friend is on board with checking in to see that I've made it to the gym. I get asked for proof too. I have to send pics of my running speed and all. lol Its nice
I didn't get weighed or measured until now because I really wanted to focus more on just the fact that I feel great and that I see progress in my strength and endurance. But today was a good reminder that I'm headed in the right direction. Since I started working out like I have, I have lost 13lbs and a total of 13inches all over my body...Which I'm very proud of. Its nice to see hard work pay off. and To see myself really create my reality as I see fit. I'm very excited and will continue on. Lets see what month 4 brings.
Tuesday, February 26, 2013
from HEALTHY to SCULPTED: Month 2ish
Well, things have definitely changed..working out and meal planning is officially a part of my life. Haven't gone under 5 days a week working out for the last month and besides the weekends, I'm cooking my meals regularly. I write down everything I eat, how many hours of sleep I'm getting and the times this is all happening at. I must say, that I've never witnessed this side of me. I think one of the downfalls from my surgery is that the results were so immediate, and gratifying, that I didn't have to do much to lose weight..Now, I work my ass off. I've never worked so hard in my life for anything. EVER. and I must say, I'm pretty impressed with what I can do. Jenny will set up an exercise for me, and I say, "no, I dont think I can do that." She says, "Yes, you can and you will." lol and guess what? I can and I do!! So its pretty cool to watch yourself improve, or get stronger, or be able to do a lil more each time..to actually observe progress in yourself, is pretty gratifying.
I can now run 2miles straight before needing a break..I can run 2miles in 23min..thats my fastest time so far..On my cardio days, I run 3.5miles in 40min. yesterday I did Alligator crawls for the first time, which I thought would take me a couple more months to get to. I watch Jen do them, and I'm like, "yea, not yet". Its crazy to observe that the main reason of being able to do or not do, is your own mind. I'm thankful these people believe I can do these things and push me to do them..It builds confidence..and heck, builds happiness too. By these people I mean Jenny and my trainer, lol :) I'm starting to see a difference in the mirror..Nothing crazy, but things definitely jiggle a little less. haha. The scale is not my best friend right now and I've decided to measure my success in other ways. My clothes. the mirror. and most importantly, feeling great every time I set foot into that gym. Just following through with the commitment to myself is such a HUGE thing for me. Lately, the topic of 2013 has definitely all been about commitments and my fear of them. So this is actually a huge step, and its reflected in so many other areas of my life.
I also, voluntarily have decided to do a "wrong man" detox. lol I am making serious changes with my relationships with men. I've gotten rid of all the guys that simply are unworthy of my time. and the main logic behind that one, truly starting to practice what it is to have self-value. self -worth. self -love. Creating healthy boundaries for myself, and learning how to use the word, "No". haha I'm a people pleaser, and most of my life have put people's needs and wants before mine, but not anymore. I thought If I said yes to everything, you would like me more..Such a false belief..Turns out I'm full of false beliefs. So, had to start re-learning some new beliefs..More accurate ones. I come first now. Everything else comes second. I also think that maybe the lack of men is keeping me focused and in the gym and totally focused on myself..so be it. lol Regardless, 2013 has been a very HEALTHY year for me so far..Mentally, emotionally and physically. Their all connected, and I've abused them all. So, I'm enjoying working hard to never abuse them again.
I'm very excited for this year, because I can feel that the power is within me to SCULPT my reality as I wish. Next month, I start my classes for teaching abroad..I also become a citizen of the USA this year..and I also will be obtaining a new job in a different place in the world. HUGE things coming my way...and I'm finally ready for them. I finally feel GREAT enough, to handle it all. FEAR no longer runs this ship. I wont be fooled. I know more tests and challenges are ahead. But after everything that I've overcome and achieved so far in my life, I feel ready to handle whatever life wants to throw at me. One step at a time. One breathe at a time. and thanks to Jen and my healer, Rebecca, I'm working more and more on acknowledging my successes and taking responsibility and pride in them..Remembering how brave I actually am. Brave to face my own demons, and replace them with LOVE.
Do you know how great you actually are? Do you ever acknowledge it? (Juan, this question is not for you, because I know you acknowledge it daily, as you should..haha)
Today, I am home within myself....There's no place like home.....I'm grateful
Thank you for reading. :)
I can now run 2miles straight before needing a break..I can run 2miles in 23min..thats my fastest time so far..On my cardio days, I run 3.5miles in 40min. yesterday I did Alligator crawls for the first time, which I thought would take me a couple more months to get to. I watch Jen do them, and I'm like, "yea, not yet". Its crazy to observe that the main reason of being able to do or not do, is your own mind. I'm thankful these people believe I can do these things and push me to do them..It builds confidence..and heck, builds happiness too. By these people I mean Jenny and my trainer, lol :) I'm starting to see a difference in the mirror..Nothing crazy, but things definitely jiggle a little less. haha. The scale is not my best friend right now and I've decided to measure my success in other ways. My clothes. the mirror. and most importantly, feeling great every time I set foot into that gym. Just following through with the commitment to myself is such a HUGE thing for me. Lately, the topic of 2013 has definitely all been about commitments and my fear of them. So this is actually a huge step, and its reflected in so many other areas of my life.
I also, voluntarily have decided to do a "wrong man" detox. lol I am making serious changes with my relationships with men. I've gotten rid of all the guys that simply are unworthy of my time. and the main logic behind that one, truly starting to practice what it is to have self-value. self -worth. self -love. Creating healthy boundaries for myself, and learning how to use the word, "No". haha I'm a people pleaser, and most of my life have put people's needs and wants before mine, but not anymore. I thought If I said yes to everything, you would like me more..Such a false belief..Turns out I'm full of false beliefs. So, had to start re-learning some new beliefs..More accurate ones. I come first now. Everything else comes second. I also think that maybe the lack of men is keeping me focused and in the gym and totally focused on myself..so be it. lol Regardless, 2013 has been a very HEALTHY year for me so far..Mentally, emotionally and physically. Their all connected, and I've abused them all. So, I'm enjoying working hard to never abuse them again.
I'm very excited for this year, because I can feel that the power is within me to SCULPT my reality as I wish. Next month, I start my classes for teaching abroad..I also become a citizen of the USA this year..and I also will be obtaining a new job in a different place in the world. HUGE things coming my way...and I'm finally ready for them. I finally feel GREAT enough, to handle it all. FEAR no longer runs this ship. I wont be fooled. I know more tests and challenges are ahead. But after everything that I've overcome and achieved so far in my life, I feel ready to handle whatever life wants to throw at me. One step at a time. One breathe at a time. and thanks to Jen and my healer, Rebecca, I'm working more and more on acknowledging my successes and taking responsibility and pride in them..Remembering how brave I actually am. Brave to face my own demons, and replace them with LOVE.
Do you know how great you actually are? Do you ever acknowledge it? (Juan, this question is not for you, because I know you acknowledge it daily, as you should..haha)
Today, I am home within myself....There's no place like home.....I'm grateful
Thank you for reading. :)
Sunday, January 20, 2013
From HEALTHY to SCULPTED: Day-just today lol
Its been a little over a month since I've written anything, and it just seems unreal how time flies by. Last I wrote I was sick, which I continued to be for 3 weeks. Hadn't been sick like that in over 2.5 years. So dealt with not being able to workout those weeks. It was killing me. For the first time in my life I wanted to workout, but couldn't. Maybe sounds silly but I'd lay at night imagining myself run and do different routines. Somehow still visualizing myself as this healthy person that I am becoming. Throughout, I didn't eat horribly. I still cooked and a "friend" I was spending time with was supportive in the cooking and helping me watch what I ate. I was spending a lot of time with this "friend", so I have to mention him.
I had signed up for some training when I joined this gym, so after I was sick, I made my first appointment with my new trainer, Alfredo. I met him through a friend and he is simply awesome. When I weighed in, I had actually lost 5lbs. I was so excited since I had been so sick and unable to be active. I was proud that somehow I had been able to maintain a watch on my food intake. So we took measurements and had a great chat about my goals and how hes going to support me through my process. He also required me to start logging everything I eat. Times, what food and where the food is from. Needless to say that first week was a great moment of realization. My log needed some improving. That in itself has been motivating. The goal was to have a week, where I looked at the log and could say, "Yes, this is the way a healthy person eats". and so be it. Every week my log was improving. I was very honest on the log. Even when I shared a cookie with a friend for moral support. Haha..Or had some gummy bears at the movies.
Recently, I let go of my "friend". It was truly an unhealthy situation for me. A lot of realizations came to surface with that experience with him. I spent all of my holidays with him, since my family was in Colombia. Actually, these were the toughest holidays of my life. In general, 2012 was a very challenging year. First actual year without my family close by. Not really a place to call home, financial struggles, men challenges,etc etc. So far 2013, started with the end of many of those challenges. So I'm grateful for that aspect. I now feel like I'm "home" with my best friend Erika and her family. Their amazing for opening their doors to me. It's actually had a huge impact on my quality of life. That level of stability was really missing from my life.
The end was really on my 31st birthday...(Which if you dont know is also the birth of my nephew, Marco Andres Ortiz. Not my literal nephew because nor my brother or sister have kids. But, Jessica is like a sister to me, therefore, her son is my Sobrino.) The point is that on my birthday I realized I really needed to get out of this situation. By saying g'bye to this "friend", it gave me space to truly say hello to taking care of Ana. After a night of uncontrollable, ridiculous sobbing, I woke the next morning and decided that I would start focusing more on bettering myself in all ways and I would start by changing the way I eat drastically. I would only allow myself one carb a day and it would be a healthier choice of a carb. and that it would have to be eaten before 3pm to give myself that time to burn it. Then two days after that decision, I started chatting with my old boss who used to run his own weight loss clinic. He recommended I read up on the Paleo Diet. The general gist of it is NO SUGAR. So focuses on protein, veggies and nuts. A "hunters and gatherers" type of eating. I haven't read up on it yet, but I have already started to make those adjustments. Now I'm not one to totally say g'bye to the foods that I love. But I do believe in a healthy ratio. Something to 90/10. Eat really healthy 90% of the time and indulge 10%. and even in the indulgences, they should still be healthier choices. Yesterday was a little out of my regime, but I'm ok with it. Had dinner with Alejo and family. Had yummy Pad Thai. I enjoyed every bite and did not feel guilty. I just put it towards my 10% and moved on..lol I'm not good with extremes of things. I believe in finding that balance that works for you. So because I eat one carb a day, there's no missing of that food group. So there's not that urge to binge on it. Week one has been easy and exciting. Trying to get creative and find ways to eat healthy and convenient. Never thought I'd be eating almonds and carrots the way I do now. lol Saying no to sugar isn't easy. So I don't think of it as I CAN'T have it, just that I dont WANT it. Ridiculous how you have to trick yourself into these things. It feels really good to be taking care of myself the way that I am. Alfredo and Jenny have been great support systems through all of it. I'm grateful.
2013 has also surfaced new a couple new personal challenges..This x "friend" helped surface topics such as, "where the hell is my self-esteem?" and "what the hell is so scary about making and keeping commitments?" . That's a totally different blog that I will be starting soon, but in the meantime, I just wanted the people that follow here to know that I'm still on track. I don't know my total loss yet, but I can see it in the mirror and I can feel it. So I know the numbers are going in the right direction. :)
Wishing everyone a love-filled day and here's wishing that 2013 bring many, many rewards.
Thank you for reading.
Pics coming soon!!!
I had signed up for some training when I joined this gym, so after I was sick, I made my first appointment with my new trainer, Alfredo. I met him through a friend and he is simply awesome. When I weighed in, I had actually lost 5lbs. I was so excited since I had been so sick and unable to be active. I was proud that somehow I had been able to maintain a watch on my food intake. So we took measurements and had a great chat about my goals and how hes going to support me through my process. He also required me to start logging everything I eat. Times, what food and where the food is from. Needless to say that first week was a great moment of realization. My log needed some improving. That in itself has been motivating. The goal was to have a week, where I looked at the log and could say, "Yes, this is the way a healthy person eats". and so be it. Every week my log was improving. I was very honest on the log. Even when I shared a cookie with a friend for moral support. Haha..Or had some gummy bears at the movies.
Recently, I let go of my "friend". It was truly an unhealthy situation for me. A lot of realizations came to surface with that experience with him. I spent all of my holidays with him, since my family was in Colombia. Actually, these were the toughest holidays of my life. In general, 2012 was a very challenging year. First actual year without my family close by. Not really a place to call home, financial struggles, men challenges,etc etc. So far 2013, started with the end of many of those challenges. So I'm grateful for that aspect. I now feel like I'm "home" with my best friend Erika and her family. Their amazing for opening their doors to me. It's actually had a huge impact on my quality of life. That level of stability was really missing from my life.
The end was really on my 31st birthday...(Which if you dont know is also the birth of my nephew, Marco Andres Ortiz. Not my literal nephew because nor my brother or sister have kids. But, Jessica is like a sister to me, therefore, her son is my Sobrino.) The point is that on my birthday I realized I really needed to get out of this situation. By saying g'bye to this "friend", it gave me space to truly say hello to taking care of Ana. After a night of uncontrollable, ridiculous sobbing, I woke the next morning and decided that I would start focusing more on bettering myself in all ways and I would start by changing the way I eat drastically. I would only allow myself one carb a day and it would be a healthier choice of a carb. and that it would have to be eaten before 3pm to give myself that time to burn it. Then two days after that decision, I started chatting with my old boss who used to run his own weight loss clinic. He recommended I read up on the Paleo Diet. The general gist of it is NO SUGAR. So focuses on protein, veggies and nuts. A "hunters and gatherers" type of eating. I haven't read up on it yet, but I have already started to make those adjustments. Now I'm not one to totally say g'bye to the foods that I love. But I do believe in a healthy ratio. Something to 90/10. Eat really healthy 90% of the time and indulge 10%. and even in the indulgences, they should still be healthier choices. Yesterday was a little out of my regime, but I'm ok with it. Had dinner with Alejo and family. Had yummy Pad Thai. I enjoyed every bite and did not feel guilty. I just put it towards my 10% and moved on..lol I'm not good with extremes of things. I believe in finding that balance that works for you. So because I eat one carb a day, there's no missing of that food group. So there's not that urge to binge on it. Week one has been easy and exciting. Trying to get creative and find ways to eat healthy and convenient. Never thought I'd be eating almonds and carrots the way I do now. lol Saying no to sugar isn't easy. So I don't think of it as I CAN'T have it, just that I dont WANT it. Ridiculous how you have to trick yourself into these things. It feels really good to be taking care of myself the way that I am. Alfredo and Jenny have been great support systems through all of it. I'm grateful.
2013 has also surfaced new a couple new personal challenges..This x "friend" helped surface topics such as, "where the hell is my self-esteem?" and "what the hell is so scary about making and keeping commitments?" . That's a totally different blog that I will be starting soon, but in the meantime, I just wanted the people that follow here to know that I'm still on track. I don't know my total loss yet, but I can see it in the mirror and I can feel it. So I know the numbers are going in the right direction. :)
Wishing everyone a love-filled day and here's wishing that 2013 bring many, many rewards.
Thank you for reading.
Pics coming soon!!!
Sunday, December 16, 2012
From HEALTHY to SCULPTED:DAY 8-12
So this last week was an awesome one. I weighed in last Mondayh and I lost 2.5lbs in my first week. I'm pretty happy with that. Not to mention that I dont think I did as much as I could. Worked out 4 days last week. One day was just a 20min walk/run. Nothing crazy. Trying to do something active everyday..Even if its not sweating bullets, but just the point of keeping the active lifestyle. Cooking has been a huge thing lately. So with little efforts my body is reacting. As well as my mind. Everyday is a challenge, but having a workout to look forward to where I can let it out, helps me. I know it brings balance to me entirely, so it effects every aspect of my life.
I wrote this last post last week and never finished. I've been sick, which hasn't allowed me to workout for the past 5 days..Which I know effects things. But what can you do? Thats life. You get sick or something happens and it throws off your routine completely. The point is to be able to jump right back into it. I have asthma that presents itself when I get sick and a bad cough still, but I'm giving myself today to recup..Tomorrow I start again with the normal routine. We'll see how much running I can do. Prob not much, but I for sure, will be going to the gym tomorrow night. Preferabley with Jenny :)
Along with being sick its been a very difficult week for me. Maybe the stress is what got me sick. Finances are difficult. Sometimes I feel like I run in place. I work my ass off and barely make it. I'm also struggling with figuring out where "home" is. January will mark the official year that I've had to live without my immediate family close to me. They moved back to Colombia last year and its been very difficult. Feel like a hamster on his wheel looking for that feeling of "home". Its a challenge to create that within you. But I guess, its been good practice. Its what I've asked for right? I asked for independance, well, here ya go. Within the next year I want to live in a different part of the world. Alone. So this technically is great practice because at least here, I still have my friends close by. Guess its like I'm on training wheels for whats to come. I know I get stronger and stronger, but this weekend, I gave in and allowed myself to feel weak. Scared. Lonely and lost. Missing my family. My comfort space. In hopes to continue searching for that, I'm moving out of the place I JUST moved into. I'm grateful to have an amazing friend that will let me live with her and her family. Maybe Erika's house is a symbol of what a family household is..The one I feel I might need right now. Somewhere I'm welcomed. Somewhere warm. Somewhere I can choose to have family dinners. To be around people that care about me. I can feel the need for it right now. At the same time I'm aware that all this feeling of "home", needs to be created within myself. I should be able to feel home wherever I am. Guess a new homework assignement to work on.
One thing I do find is balance somehow. Its been a challenging week financially and emotionally, but luckily I got last minute phone calls for photo shoots. I thank God for that blessing. Thanks to those photo shoots, I can eat and put gas in my car. You know its bad when you start to tell yourself, that you'll just start eating even less to make it by. lol Guess that can be part of the health regimen lol I laugh because sure, technically I can call mom and ask for a life saver..But I'm choosing not to do that. I'm determined to make it on my own. I mean, despite my doubts sometimes and feelings of all of this being hopeless, I know deep down I'm gonna make it. Just staying positive when the challenges keep coming, can get exhausting and make you want to give up. Well, I dont feel that giving up is a realistic option. So thats on my side.
Tomorrow is a new day. I'll weigh in for discipline. Not excited about it, but whatever that scale says, I'm still making progress. I'm still aware and determined to conquer this. I will reach my goals. Short and long..You all serve as my witness....and support. I'm grateful for that.
Thank you for reading. xoxo
I wrote this last post last week and never finished. I've been sick, which hasn't allowed me to workout for the past 5 days..Which I know effects things. But what can you do? Thats life. You get sick or something happens and it throws off your routine completely. The point is to be able to jump right back into it. I have asthma that presents itself when I get sick and a bad cough still, but I'm giving myself today to recup..Tomorrow I start again with the normal routine. We'll see how much running I can do. Prob not much, but I for sure, will be going to the gym tomorrow night. Preferabley with Jenny :)
Along with being sick its been a very difficult week for me. Maybe the stress is what got me sick. Finances are difficult. Sometimes I feel like I run in place. I work my ass off and barely make it. I'm also struggling with figuring out where "home" is. January will mark the official year that I've had to live without my immediate family close to me. They moved back to Colombia last year and its been very difficult. Feel like a hamster on his wheel looking for that feeling of "home". Its a challenge to create that within you. But I guess, its been good practice. Its what I've asked for right? I asked for independance, well, here ya go. Within the next year I want to live in a different part of the world. Alone. So this technically is great practice because at least here, I still have my friends close by. Guess its like I'm on training wheels for whats to come. I know I get stronger and stronger, but this weekend, I gave in and allowed myself to feel weak. Scared. Lonely and lost. Missing my family. My comfort space. In hopes to continue searching for that, I'm moving out of the place I JUST moved into. I'm grateful to have an amazing friend that will let me live with her and her family. Maybe Erika's house is a symbol of what a family household is..The one I feel I might need right now. Somewhere I'm welcomed. Somewhere warm. Somewhere I can choose to have family dinners. To be around people that care about me. I can feel the need for it right now. At the same time I'm aware that all this feeling of "home", needs to be created within myself. I should be able to feel home wherever I am. Guess a new homework assignement to work on.
One thing I do find is balance somehow. Its been a challenging week financially and emotionally, but luckily I got last minute phone calls for photo shoots. I thank God for that blessing. Thanks to those photo shoots, I can eat and put gas in my car. You know its bad when you start to tell yourself, that you'll just start eating even less to make it by. lol Guess that can be part of the health regimen lol I laugh because sure, technically I can call mom and ask for a life saver..But I'm choosing not to do that. I'm determined to make it on my own. I mean, despite my doubts sometimes and feelings of all of this being hopeless, I know deep down I'm gonna make it. Just staying positive when the challenges keep coming, can get exhausting and make you want to give up. Well, I dont feel that giving up is a realistic option. So thats on my side.
Tomorrow is a new day. I'll weigh in for discipline. Not excited about it, but whatever that scale says, I'm still making progress. I'm still aware and determined to conquer this. I will reach my goals. Short and long..You all serve as my witness....and support. I'm grateful for that.
Thank you for reading. xoxo
Wednesday, December 5, 2012
From HEALTHY to SCULPTED: DAY 2
So last night's workout with Jen was awesome. Probably the most I've ever sweat. I'm so excited because I just started running..Maybe in the last 6 months..and by running I mean like 3 minutes straight on the treadmill. ha!! On day 1 working out with Jen, I broke my record and went 10minutes straight on the treadmill without stopping..and last night I did 13minutes straight, 2 minute walk, then 7 minutes straight.!!! I was extremely excited about that..Jen was proud too.hehe! I feel like cardio is a way of meditation..At least thats how I use it..When I swim or now when I'm running, I have these visions..I dont know why, but I'm always on a beach..in a bikini ;) Super happy and glowing. Total dreamy, cheesy movie scene. lol Used to be a red bikini, but now its peacock blues and greens. lol I'm usually running and noticing every detail about the perfect body I would like to create..No extra skin(so annoying), my easy breathing and how easy running in the sand feels.I can feel the sun beating down on me, the light breeze that cools me down. the warm water.
.Music is a huge thing when I workout..Guess its the tool I use to channel my meditating..so much that one time I forgot my music and walked right out of the gym. lol My latest visual though, when I'm struggling with my breathing and feel like stopping, is to look down at my feet..I see them running, and I feel like a runner. Like an athlete..One thats does marathons. I meet people that run marathons and do activities that push themselves to the limit, and I think, "wow!" I admire the discipline and determination that being an athlete requires. The amount of passion for something that requires 100% of your efforts in order to accomplish your goals. I admire it..I envy it. I didn't grow up with discipline..or much structure..My sport involvement was minimal. I was on the swim team for one year..Thats it. But I observe my life..look back..and realize that I dont think I have truly ever put 100% of my effort into something. Not entirely sure why that is. Maybe its something your taught. I must've missed that class. lol So my visual is to feel what it is to be disciplined and determined. To not give up when you want to. To use the power of your mind to overcome the physical struggle. Before I knew it, I'm in the stride and breathing as if I've beeing running forever...then its time to walk, haha! I'm ready to give 100% into this..Putting maximum effort to receive maximum benefits. I having nothing to lose and so much to gain. What I also just realized is that even if its for 13minutes, I am the athlete I envision myself to be. :) I'll take it!
As an adult, I think many reach a moment of frustration, for your life not being anything how you wanted it to be or how you envisioned it. My moment where it caused an actual reaction, was 4 years ago when I left my abusive boyfriend. I recall the exact moment, while he was in a moment of rage, that I vowed I would start making positive changes for myself. and from that day forward, thats what I did. Unfortunately it took for me to fear losing my life in order to create that reaction, but whatever. I did it. I got out. I faced my issues. I got through it. Its so easy to focus on all the things I have left to accomplish, when there is soooo much value in the things that I already done. People say dont look at the past..Well, I do. I need to..It helps me re-realize how far I've come. I need that positive reinforcement. That "if you could get through that, you can do anything" moment. I think for the things I've been through in my life, I've succeeded at a lot. Maybe not monetary or materialistic. But emotionally, I choose to be honest and aware. Thats an aquired skill that I've worked years at. Not an overnight thing. and not an easy thing to live with. Sometimes ignorance truly is bliss. lol Itd be easier to live more superficially or disregard the curiosity for spirituality. to just be "I am who I am and thats that". To an extent yes, but what I am is a spiritual being living a human experience and am always transforming into a better version of myself. Thats the objective at least. lol
Today I'm sore and my body is very happy. Love complaining that I'm sore due to my great workout. lol My lunch will consist of tuna and crackers and raw veggies. Whoa, Ana! lol raw veggies? You know, your mind is truly amazing. I dont really LOVE raw veggies like that. But I decided to want a healthier lifestyle and thankfully started craving raw broccoli and cauliflower. so weird..Also same with my new face treatment..Trying to improve my skin and have this new product. They told me in order for it to get better, it might have to get worse first. Never would've thought I'd get excited to see pimples forming..lol Instead of saying, "oh no, another pimple. " I'm more like" yay!, get this crap out of my face and lets clean it up!!" lmao
Your perspective on everything...is everything.
Have a lovely day people.
Thank you for reading xoxo
.Music is a huge thing when I workout..Guess its the tool I use to channel my meditating..so much that one time I forgot my music and walked right out of the gym. lol My latest visual though, when I'm struggling with my breathing and feel like stopping, is to look down at my feet..I see them running, and I feel like a runner. Like an athlete..One thats does marathons. I meet people that run marathons and do activities that push themselves to the limit, and I think, "wow!" I admire the discipline and determination that being an athlete requires. The amount of passion for something that requires 100% of your efforts in order to accomplish your goals. I admire it..I envy it. I didn't grow up with discipline..or much structure..My sport involvement was minimal. I was on the swim team for one year..Thats it. But I observe my life..look back..and realize that I dont think I have truly ever put 100% of my effort into something. Not entirely sure why that is. Maybe its something your taught. I must've missed that class. lol So my visual is to feel what it is to be disciplined and determined. To not give up when you want to. To use the power of your mind to overcome the physical struggle. Before I knew it, I'm in the stride and breathing as if I've beeing running forever...then its time to walk, haha! I'm ready to give 100% into this..Putting maximum effort to receive maximum benefits. I having nothing to lose and so much to gain. What I also just realized is that even if its for 13minutes, I am the athlete I envision myself to be. :) I'll take it!
As an adult, I think many reach a moment of frustration, for your life not being anything how you wanted it to be or how you envisioned it. My moment where it caused an actual reaction, was 4 years ago when I left my abusive boyfriend. I recall the exact moment, while he was in a moment of rage, that I vowed I would start making positive changes for myself. and from that day forward, thats what I did. Unfortunately it took for me to fear losing my life in order to create that reaction, but whatever. I did it. I got out. I faced my issues. I got through it. Its so easy to focus on all the things I have left to accomplish, when there is soooo much value in the things that I already done. People say dont look at the past..Well, I do. I need to..It helps me re-realize how far I've come. I need that positive reinforcement. That "if you could get through that, you can do anything" moment. I think for the things I've been through in my life, I've succeeded at a lot. Maybe not monetary or materialistic. But emotionally, I choose to be honest and aware. Thats an aquired skill that I've worked years at. Not an overnight thing. and not an easy thing to live with. Sometimes ignorance truly is bliss. lol Itd be easier to live more superficially or disregard the curiosity for spirituality. to just be "I am who I am and thats that". To an extent yes, but what I am is a spiritual being living a human experience and am always transforming into a better version of myself. Thats the objective at least. lol
Today I'm sore and my body is very happy. Love complaining that I'm sore due to my great workout. lol My lunch will consist of tuna and crackers and raw veggies. Whoa, Ana! lol raw veggies? You know, your mind is truly amazing. I dont really LOVE raw veggies like that. But I decided to want a healthier lifestyle and thankfully started craving raw broccoli and cauliflower. so weird..Also same with my new face treatment..Trying to improve my skin and have this new product. They told me in order for it to get better, it might have to get worse first. Never would've thought I'd get excited to see pimples forming..lol Instead of saying, "oh no, another pimple. " I'm more like" yay!, get this crap out of my face and lets clean it up!!" lmao
Your perspective on everything...is everything.
Have a lovely day people.
Thank you for reading xoxo
Tuesday, December 4, 2012
From HEALTHY to SCULPTED:Day 1..ish
Ok, So the journey continues..What I'm learning now is that actually, the journey will never end..Everything you go through in the process of creating healthier habits and maintaining a "thinner" lifestyle, takes daily work and awareness. It has been such a crazy 2012. So many ups and downs, downs and ups. Probably one of the most challenging years of my life but at the same time it has held many rewards as well. Point being that I've lost focus..I got caught up in the current of life and forgot about my priorities. So, its time to get back on that track. My brother has helped push that motivation to actually finish what I start. To accomplish the original goal that was set 1yr and a half ago. He came up with the title of this new segment of my blog and I plan on writing regularly again..Its like going back to basics..I have to ask myself, what worked for me when I lost all that weight? What tools did I use that were effective? Writing was definitely one of them. I find peace in writing..Its my outlet..and somehow commits me to the goal. Knowing that all of you will read. Somehow, keeps me focused. So I just started getting back into working out and eating better. My friend Jenny has kindly now taken the part of my new workout buddy. I knew I needed one for this last portion of the weight loss journey. Again, help commit to the focus. Shes amazing. Its so great because she has taken on such an important role for me and I feel its helping. Random checks to ask what I've eaten, little reminders. Shes great. I will be including pics of us working out and such. Tonight we're doing the weekly pic and measurements and such. I'll be checking in with the stats weekly. I also have purchased some training sessions with a trainer. So will be doing that as well once a week for a month. Training here in the US is very expensive, especially for what the trainers get paid. Definitely spoiled in Colombia with that one. But you gotta do, what you gotta do. Make other sacrifices..Prioritize.
So this is it. Another beginning. A new challenge. I've made it more than half way up this mountain..and its time for me to simply finish and conquer this. Not only physically, but mentally and emotionally. One day it dawned opon me, "You can take the "fat girl" out of the body, but to take her out of your mind, is a totally seperate, more challenging task." Despite it all, I still struggle with self-esteem issues. Feelings of not "being good enough". I have days where its worse than others, but I look back and see it as a silly thing..but in the moment, its a true challenge to switch those put down convos I have, into encouraging and inspirational ones. So the other goal is to feel beautiful everyday. To take the "fat girl" out of my head and heart. Change the thought process. To continue accepting myself as is. To love myself..To self-encourage.To continue this great level of happiness that I've been able to achieve..I'm grateful..I'm blessed.
Thank you Jen! your support in this is infinitely appreciated and valued. Love u girl!
Thank you for reading...pics to follow-I know, I know, I always say that..lol but for real..their coming
So this is it. Another beginning. A new challenge. I've made it more than half way up this mountain..and its time for me to simply finish and conquer this. Not only physically, but mentally and emotionally. One day it dawned opon me, "You can take the "fat girl" out of the body, but to take her out of your mind, is a totally seperate, more challenging task." Despite it all, I still struggle with self-esteem issues. Feelings of not "being good enough". I have days where its worse than others, but I look back and see it as a silly thing..but in the moment, its a true challenge to switch those put down convos I have, into encouraging and inspirational ones. So the other goal is to feel beautiful everyday. To take the "fat girl" out of my head and heart. Change the thought process. To continue accepting myself as is. To love myself..To self-encourage.To continue this great level of happiness that I've been able to achieve..I'm grateful..I'm blessed.
Thank you Jen! your support in this is infinitely appreciated and valued. Love u girl!
Thank you for reading...pics to follow-I know, I know, I always say that..lol but for real..their coming
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